LOVE Yourself, Momma!

For years, I was an avid shopper and self-proclaimed fashionista.  Nothing brought me a greater sense of accomplishment than finding that amazing pair of wedges, or dress that fit just right, or even the necklace that brought the finishing sparkle to what I thought, was the perfect outfit.  I was fueled by the adrenaline rush in finding the name brand, the next great hip store, or the money I saved in finding super bargains.  The sad reality is that this was all a massive cover up to some pretty major issues I've carried with me for years.  What issues, you ask? 

Well, let Momma tell ya....

I'm not pretty enough.

My stomach is too fat.

I wish I was thinner.

I wish my hair was straighter.

Sound familiar? 

The world tells us that if we don't look, smell, feel a certain way, we aren't worthy of love and acceptance, and even happiness.  So for years, I numbed my personal insecurities with dressing myself up on the outside, while suppressing all those hidden unworthy feelings on the inside.  In doing so, I was allowing all that "stuff" to just get harder and harder to ever want to deal with.  So I never dealt with them.

Fast forward to my life, summer of 2017.  I'm in surgical menopause, which means I'm off.  Off as in, I am profusely hot most of the time, I've gained about 30 lbs, and I function with a messy bun and flip flops to basically play a super mom ninja and small business owner every day.  And most days, I'm totally happy with my easy and laid back sense of fashion, or lack of.  But some days, those ugly feelings seem to crawl their way back to the surface, and thus, the meltdown of that one particular summer day.

I couldn't find a pair of shorts to fit!  And being that I own three, because ya’ll know Mommas own next to nothing when it comes to new clothes, one was dirty from the day before, the other was faded from wearing too much, and the third decided to not button today, I did what I find myself doing sometimes, I cried. Not just, sniffle and sob, but cry, as in nasty cry, where boogers drip, pity envelopes your whole being,  and the next thing you know, you're sitting on the bed and all of a sudden you begin to think..

I'm not pretty enough.

My stomach is too big.

I wish I was thinner.

I wish my hair was straighter.

REALLY?  I just went there again, really?

Well guess what?  I REFUSE to be here ever again.  This isn't high school, thank goodness, and who am I trying to kid?  Who am I trying to impress?  Why am I beating myself up?

I am the daughter of a King.  I was made in the perfect image and likeness of Him.  His DNA runs through my veins, and I am His.  I do not need to wear designer jeans to tell me this. What I do need, is to love myself...stomach, wrinkles, gray hair and all!  God doesn't see me and wish I was thinner.  He doesn't notice the pounds I've gained.  He DOES notice when I start to believe the lies and misconceptions that this world wants me to believe, and in those moments, He notices how I respond.  So, what am I going to do?  I am choosing to love myself, exactly the way I am!  This is hard, ya'll.  It's so much easier for me to love my foster babies that enter my home.  But loving yourself....things get mighty real, don't they?   You see, I know who I am, and to whom I belong, and in this, do I find complete, self-less, never-ending love.  In God's love do I find happiness, and peace in myself, in who I am, and who I try to be.  So I challenge you today, Momma, to thank God for the gift of who you are, and to love yourself like He does.  I promise you, that once you do, you'll never look at yourself the same way again.